21 years and counting...

Crazy. I know. I am now officially 21. I feel a lot older then my actual age lol. But I had a very good birthday. Sean got me some awesome stuff, a long with the rest of my family (both sides :)). But then the fun all ended as the kidney stone pain got worse on Saturday and Sunday. My mom finally took me to the hospital on Monday so we had an idea of how many stones I had and where they were at in my system. So we found out I have two 2.5 Milimeter size stones. One in my right and one in my left (wooo....). Spent all day yesterday on the couch sicker then a dog, today's been better although the kidney pain hasn't ended yet. Sucky, but I live on.

One thing I wanted to talk about is the Tattoo I had recently gotten done. I understand the religious stand point my family (again on both sides) are coming from. But I got it for a very specific reason, and it's a reason that I felt strong enough to share and permanently put on my body.




The two doves represent Sean and I. Doves also represent love, purity, hope (also the theme of our wedding) and Sean and I share all of those with each other. The two branches shaped into a heart shows the commitment and the work we have to make a good healthy marriage. The Sun represents every day is a new day. Although we have problems one day, the sun still rises the next day and its a day to start over. The date is the day we decided to share our lives together.

I know it is hard for some of you and you don't like that I got it. I understand. There are no hard feelings on my end. Just because you don't agree with what I did doesn't mean that I will shun or kick you out of my life, it's not how I do things. I love everyone who is in my life- you guys are here for a reason. So I hope this doesn't fudge the relationships I hold with you. If it does, then okay, I will understand.

Anyways, this weekend (although the kidney pain definitely put a damper on a few things) I also got to go see my CherBear. Even though I'm not able to take care of him the way I used to be, it was like old times with him. We didn't skip a beat. He is a wonderful horse. He helped me get through the death of my horse R.D. and really helped me stick it out with Westernaires. And really, I'm forever grateful to him. I would have regreted quiting for sure. Anyways, the cool part was I was able to bring Ellie along with me to meet him. And she had an absolute ball! She was so comfortable around him. She sat up on him with me while we rode around the arena. He is the best! He was so gentle when Ellie was on.







she got right up there with me and grabbed the reigns herself and was ready to go! I also got to spend the day with my family! It was a good weekend!

15 Month Molars are brutal

Today was Ellie's 15 month check up! We're happy to announce that Ellie is right on track! She is starting to not like going to the doctor already :( heaven knows that child has so many doctors appointments, plus two ER visits already. I know it could be worse but I still feel bad. Especially after she had her blood drawn last time we were there. She did not like the doctor even taking a look at her. But we were had confirmation that Ellie's molars are coming in, and it seems like the tops and bottoms are coming in at the same time. I dunno how normal that is, but her doctor was definitely surprised at finding that out. And then she said something that made my heart drop, "Okay the nurse will be in in a minute to administer Ellie her shots". I know this isn't bad, but it seriously just kills me. It always brings me back to the first time she had to get shots. I cried in the office that day because of how hard Ellie was crying... my poor baby :(

So after getting home and feeding her lunch, Ellie and I came down stairs and turned on Tangled for her. She loves this movie. I could tell that she was feelin pretty miserable because she just snuggled with me on the couch for the majority of the movie. Usually she doesn't want to have anything to do with you and she literally bounces off every wall in our house from how much energy she has. I felt sad for her because she didn't feel good, but it was also nice just being able to hold her again, it's been a really long time since she last let me just hold her. It helped me remember how sweet she really is through her awful temper tantrums shes been throwing lately. :)

After her nap the rest of the day was mostly spent coloring in the coloring books she just got. She loves just going through her crayon box looking at all the colors by pulling them out and putting them back in. We we're listening to these silly songs that I found off a website, she was trying to figure out how to dance and draw at the same time. lol There's just something about music that makes her want to move in whatever way she can. She's already pretty good about finding the beat and moving with it. She's an incredible kid for sure :)

Perfect moments

Being a mom has taught me so many things. Things that I wouldn't have ever thought at (almost) 21 I would know. Especially since Ellie was a big surprise to Sean and I. The biggest thing that I've learned thus far is how short life is, and how every moment really is so precious. Life constantly is throwing you curve balls left and right, that's nothing new. In my life atleast. It's all about how you handle each blow. I'm not going to lie, I let most things affect me. I guess you can say I am a super sensitive person. I'm always the first person to accept you for who you are, and that usually comes with the first to get mistreated or dumped on. Ususally I'm okay with that, I understand people and how they need to unload sometimes. This is something that I've been working on. Being a mom doesn't leave much "dumping" room for anyone outside your immediate family. And I'm sure the room will get smaller or cease to exist with the addition of more kids. So I do try as best I can to be there for the people who need me. Sometimes I have to step back to keep my own sanity in check.

I thought for the most part that I was doing a pretty good job at listening and then making sure I don't spew all my frustrations out on anyone else. I've come to learn that my problems are my own, and I need to deal with them myself. And then (of course) something big that you haven't been used to in a long time comes flying around the corner and throws you sideways against the wall. Life is great like that, isn't it? Just when your starting to get a handle on things that just eat you alive on the inside, and then of course something else has to get thrown on top of it.

And then there are moments that you capture with your child/children that just melt every problem away. Those precious moments that make you stop and smile. I love those. Those crystalizing moments where everything just comes so into focus, everything else stands in a blur.

I had this moment with my sweet little girl today, where it was just me and her and we were singing some little silly tune. And Ellie all of a sudden stops, and just looks up into my eyes and smiles. She is mine. She is ours. Sean and I created this absolutely beautiful little girl. The best surprise we have ever received. It brought happy tears to my eyes as I just looked at her, because I am so grateful to be her mom. And I'm so grateful for having Sean as her dad and as my husband. He really has stepped it up, and is turning into a wonderful man.

She has even taught me more things about life, and about myself then any other person. I've made a lot of mistakes this far in her little life, but this has been the most incredible learning experiance for me. And although she's still to young to fully understand when I make a mistake, she still loves me no matter what.

Being Ellie's mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I will never regret making the decision to raise her. It's been made very apparent to me that Ellie was meant to be born when she was, and be grow up in the family that she is in. She has an amazing purpose here on earth. I am truely already proud to be her mother. And that will never change.

"Hi Kitty!"

Just wanted to share a quick video of Ellie! She is just the cutest!

A day with the Haskett's

These last couple days have been the best! My brother and sister in law drove down to Colorado for an open house my parents threw for them. It turned out wonderful! Yesterday, my sweet husband was kind enough to let me go with my family on their all day adventure down in Colorado Springs. We started off going to see the Air Force Base. I know this sounds silly, but I have this huge fear of air planes. Every size of air plane. I will not go near any plane that's on the ground. So we get there and my dad always wants to stop at the B-52 plane that is supported on concrete cinderblocks on display. Well I walked up towards the back of the plane, and for some reason the size of the Tail of the plane freaked me out so bad. I just got these flashes of the tail falling off and crushing people or the whole plane fell off the cinder blocks. I know, my family thinks I'm crazy too. Anyways we continue up to see the chapel. I love going up there and seeing the chapel. It is so beautiful and peaceful there.









Then we drive over to Garden of the Gods. It was ruined by the rudest man I've ever met. He was driving atleast 25 MPH in this really small parking lot. And I was crossing the parking lot, my sister was behind me. And this guy just comes flying up to Kaylee and I we had to hurry across just to avoid getting hit. I leaned over and said "My goodness, could we drive any faster through this parking lot" and the guy somehow heard me. I thought it was odd, because I didn't really say it that loud. I found out his windows were down. Anyway he slams on his breaks and leaned over and shouted, "Hey fatty, could you eat another doughnut?". Yes now that I think about it, it was the most childish comment I've ever heard coming out of a 40 year old man's mouth. I almost turned around and said, "Wow good for you! You can physically point out other peoples faults! That's an amazing trait you have! You must be so proud." But I remember promising Sean not to get in people's faces. So I just kept walking and tried to ignore his stupid comment. But I'm not going to lie, it really hurt. Yes I have let myself go just a little bit, but I had a baby, I gave into the "newly wed weight gain", and I haven't figured out a good schedule yet to fit myself in. I was really glad I brought sunglasses cause it hid the tears that escaped my fingers. I felt bad cause kaylee had to hear that too. So we continued through Garden of the Gods. The whole time I wish I had a jacket or something so no one else had to look at me. And then it starts to rain. Hard. We hurry as fast as we can through the last part of the trail. By the time we reached the cars my clothes were wet and sticking to me. Fantastic. Thank goodness it was cold enough for me to keep my jacket on for the rest of the night.




The night finished up with a baseball game. The Sky Fox's, Colorado's triple A division team. It actually was alot of fun! Although it started down pouring, and then the wind started. It was really cold.

We didn't get home until about 1 this morning, but other then the putz in the parking lot, it turned out to be a pretty good day.

Normality is overrated

IF everyone went by "Never judge a book by its cover" I believe the world would be so much better off. I don't enjoy the looks I get when I walk around a public place with Ellie. Yes I am a young mom. But it wasn't that long ago that women were having babies at the age of 19. Or younger. It's not like it doesn't go on today in different countries around the world. I've had people call me all kinds of names because they assumed that because I already have a child somehow in their eyes it means I MUST have slept around with everyone. News flash people. I didn't. Crazy to comprehend I know.

I've even been asked if it's hard for me not to have a "normal" 20 year old life style. What is a 20 year old NORMAL life style? What in this world today IS considered "normal"? Do I have times where I think where would I be if I wasn't a mom or wife? Absolutely. What sane mom hasn't thought that. But even though I would probably be almost finished with my Vet Tech degree by now and saving up to buy a horse, I wouldn't trade my life for anything else. I haven't had anything that has made me more happy then my child. She is everything to me. This life I lead is my "normal" life. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it.




It is very sad to me when people get caught up in the little things about someone else and base their entire judgement around that. I will admit I have done it before to someone without actually knowing them. It really takes a human to be on the other side of that judgement pole to really understand what it feels like. It's not a good feeling. I know it's very easy to place a judgement on someone else, I still struggle with it everyday.

The challenge I give to you all that reads this is this (I will do this too): when your out and about this week and if you come across a person who may not fit the "normality mold", instead of making a judgement call of any kind (silent or verbal) try putting yourself in their shoes and imagine what they could be feeling or not feeling. Make them feel that their important even its a passing smile at them. It may make their day.

Life in a nutshell!

Welcome to my blog! I finally decided to create one! I really have been wanting to- but everything else seemed to get in the way. So buckle your seat belts I'm going to bring everyone up to speed from the beginning of our little family up until now.

March 20, 2010. Wedding day. This is the day I finally got to say I do to the most wonderful man I've ever met. We had an extremely rocky time during our time of dating due to the fact that we were expecting a baby only 7 months into our relationship. Being 19 years old, for both of us, was extremely scary. Neither one of us saw ourselves being parents at this age. But after long discussions we decided to make things right and tie the knot. Many people have questioned our decision to get married, but I want to set things straight real quick and let every know that we did this out of incredible love for each other and love for our future child. Neither one of us could bear to think of someone else raising this child. So on December 12th, 2009 Sean took me to dinner and drove around to see the Christmas lights (I love seeing all the Christmas lights). He proposed to me that night on a wintery bench in front of these lit up trees. It was truely magical. I couldn't wait to say I do and start the rest of my life with this man. This wonderful man. Before I knew it, wedding plans went under way- we set a date and away we went. The next two months was for sure the most stressful out of my whole pregnancy with getting the wedding the way the bride and groom both wanted it. The day finally got there- with pregnancy hormones raging at the maximum level. Things started off so rough that day but after putting my dress on, bouquet in one hand, and my dads arm in the other all of those silly stresses just seemed to melt away. Everything seemed so perfect walking towards my husband to be. The ceremony went by so fast, then! "You may now kiss your bride". Perfect.



Fast forwarding to our first night in our little basement apartment. My brain reeled everything that had happened up until then. One moment I was some little rocker chick with super short hair, studded belts, and guitar lyrics to all of a sudden being a married woman. Soon to be mom. It all hit me so hard that night as I lay next to Sean. Fear, joy, pain were just some of the emotions being flung around. 19 years old. This is the life I had now. I tried putting the title mom into my head and it just didn't seem right then. Life seems like such a blur for me leading up to Ellie's birth. At the beginning I thought that having three months with just Sean and I would be enough time to figure everything out. It definitely was not. It flew by, between getting Ellie's room ready and birthing classes. I remember everyone starting a bet for when I would give birth to Ellie. Some said it would come around May 30th, some sooner: May 20th. But when those dates came and went my husband would wake up every morning and say "Okay babe. Today's the day. Today's the day our darling little girl will come to the world." Surprisingly I was so big and uncomfortable with everything I did, I was ready to accept that statement at anytime. Walks were part of our schedule everyday. Hard ones. We had many false alarms, Three of them to be exact. In the same weekend. When Monday came the contractions started very strong. We headed to the hospital at about noon really thinking that this was the day, June 1st. But when the doctor told me I was only 1 cm dialated she wasn't so convinced as we were. So back home we went completely disappointed. The contractions were getting worse and worse as it got later. Nightfall came and the contractions were only 7 minutes apart and intesifying with each one. I kept getting up that night walking around the room trying to take my mind off the pain until 7 o clock came and I decided I couldn't take anymore. So by 9 o clock I was back to find that I was 3 cm that morning! Sean and I were estatic!! This was the day we'd meet our little girl! June 2nd, 201o a beautiful and healthy baby girl was born. Little Ellie Rae Welch. I remember holding her for the first time with tears in my eyes just saying as loud as I could "We did it Sean! We did it" Little did we know this little girl would change our lives.

Soon after post-partum depression kicked in. It was a miserable time for everyone. I never have felt so imcompetent before in my life. I was clueless as to what I was supposed to do with Ellie. Panic attacks were a daily part in my life and Sean was not allowed to go anywhere. I couldn't even call myself Ellie's mom for the first couple months of her life. I felt so unworthy to be her mom. How was I supposed to raise this child and take care of her when I couldn't even take care of myself. I really lost myself in this time. I was so unhappy with myself, I was a horrible wife and mother. I've carried this guilt of the things I put my husband through still to this day and I know I ruined a lot of things because of my depression.

Sean and I during this whole time was unemployed. We lived off the amazing amount we had gotten from all the bridal, baby, and wedding gifts for three whole months! (To all those who are reading this, I know I haven't sent out thank you cards, I am an awful person I know and I apologize!! I am now getting to them!) The support we felt during this time was overwhelming! It was so wonderful! So off hubby and I went to find jobs. We searched and applied for a very long time. But we got this amazing news from my wonderful father about this huge hiring fair at the Laramie building. We went and applied for Burlington Coat Factory. Sean got a response right away for a Lead position there but turned it down for another job. They then contacted me. And then started the worse 9 months of my entire life. Retail.

Ellie grew up so much during this time. Sean soon lost his job due to a very incompetent boss and had an agreement that he would be Mr. Mom while he looked for work and finished his EMT/EKG/IV certifications. We can now proudly say he finished all three classes at the top of his class! I could not be more proud of my husband! I increased my hours at the store and it became my life. After finally finding myself after the depression I lost it again working here. I don't know about you but I cannot excell at a job when I got told that I was a constant screw up, and I had all of my work credited to someone else. I was always in some ridiculous meeting about what he said/ she said and things I supposedly did. I was made out to be a liar and a back stabber. Which I truely am niether of these. I will admit I am a straight forward person, I'll tell you how it is when it's needed. But never in the work place. So, in the beginning of June I decided to walk in on a shift I was supposed to work and quit. Usually I would be two weeks in but I had a feeling that if I stayed there for two more weeks I would go insane.


So I began my life as a mom and house wife. A regular stay at home mom. By this time Ellie was around 11 Months old and I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do. The first few weeks were difficult for me because I had never fully taken care of her by myself until now. They were rough to say the least. I didn't really know how to clean efficiently with an infant, and cook. So Ellie and I had a lot of here and there kinds of food. My mom-in-law has really saved me in a lot of instances because of how unprepared I was for this. I grew very tired of not being able to take full responsibility of my child. I am currently being taught how to clean well and cook. Even though I am far from perfect I still have things I need to work on (like the cleaning part... I really do hate cleaning!) I have decided that I am in a time in my life where I am ready to better myself as a mom and as a wife every day. I don't want to disappoint my family because I was too stubborn as a teenager to learn how to do normal day to day chores and to cook. Sean and I are currently still trying to get into a groove where we can be a functioning family. Things have been so absolutely crazy and far from normal we are getting there.


So! Now for the current stuff. (Don't worry this part won't be as long as the other parts) While I am learning to become a woman at home, Sean is currently a Patient Transport at Saint Anthony's Hospital. He is the top transporter in the whole hospital!! He is just doing a wonderful job! He is soon getting an interview with a local Ambulance Company called Pridemark to be an EMT on a rig. And Ellie is growing up so fast! She is turning 15 months this week! She loves to run and dance around our house! She has an expanding vocabulary! Everyday it feels like she has learned a new word! She also LOVES music! She cant help but to move and sway whenever any kind of music comes on! She is truely the most incredible kid ever! Sean and I couldn't have been more blessed!

One of the things I love about Sean is how he excells in everything he does. He is an excellent father, a wonderful husband, and he is the top at anything he does! He's such an inspiration to me to be a better person and to excell in whatever I get to do in life. I love him very much. Although we have been on an extreme rough patch so far in life, he's my soul mate. :)