Normality is overrated

IF everyone went by "Never judge a book by its cover" I believe the world would be so much better off. I don't enjoy the looks I get when I walk around a public place with Ellie. Yes I am a young mom. But it wasn't that long ago that women were having babies at the age of 19. Or younger. It's not like it doesn't go on today in different countries around the world. I've had people call me all kinds of names because they assumed that because I already have a child somehow in their eyes it means I MUST have slept around with everyone. News flash people. I didn't. Crazy to comprehend I know.

I've even been asked if it's hard for me not to have a "normal" 20 year old life style. What is a 20 year old NORMAL life style? What in this world today IS considered "normal"? Do I have times where I think where would I be if I wasn't a mom or wife? Absolutely. What sane mom hasn't thought that. But even though I would probably be almost finished with my Vet Tech degree by now and saving up to buy a horse, I wouldn't trade my life for anything else. I haven't had anything that has made me more happy then my child. She is everything to me. This life I lead is my "normal" life. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it.




It is very sad to me when people get caught up in the little things about someone else and base their entire judgement around that. I will admit I have done it before to someone without actually knowing them. It really takes a human to be on the other side of that judgement pole to really understand what it feels like. It's not a good feeling. I know it's very easy to place a judgement on someone else, I still struggle with it everyday.

The challenge I give to you all that reads this is this (I will do this too): when your out and about this week and if you come across a person who may not fit the "normality mold", instead of making a judgement call of any kind (silent or verbal) try putting yourself in their shoes and imagine what they could be feeling or not feeling. Make them feel that their important even its a passing smile at them. It may make their day.

Life in a nutshell!

Welcome to my blog! I finally decided to create one! I really have been wanting to- but everything else seemed to get in the way. So buckle your seat belts I'm going to bring everyone up to speed from the beginning of our little family up until now.

March 20, 2010. Wedding day. This is the day I finally got to say I do to the most wonderful man I've ever met. We had an extremely rocky time during our time of dating due to the fact that we were expecting a baby only 7 months into our relationship. Being 19 years old, for both of us, was extremely scary. Neither one of us saw ourselves being parents at this age. But after long discussions we decided to make things right and tie the knot. Many people have questioned our decision to get married, but I want to set things straight real quick and let every know that we did this out of incredible love for each other and love for our future child. Neither one of us could bear to think of someone else raising this child. So on December 12th, 2009 Sean took me to dinner and drove around to see the Christmas lights (I love seeing all the Christmas lights). He proposed to me that night on a wintery bench in front of these lit up trees. It was truely magical. I couldn't wait to say I do and start the rest of my life with this man. This wonderful man. Before I knew it, wedding plans went under way- we set a date and away we went. The next two months was for sure the most stressful out of my whole pregnancy with getting the wedding the way the bride and groom both wanted it. The day finally got there- with pregnancy hormones raging at the maximum level. Things started off so rough that day but after putting my dress on, bouquet in one hand, and my dads arm in the other all of those silly stresses just seemed to melt away. Everything seemed so perfect walking towards my husband to be. The ceremony went by so fast, then! "You may now kiss your bride". Perfect.



Fast forwarding to our first night in our little basement apartment. My brain reeled everything that had happened up until then. One moment I was some little rocker chick with super short hair, studded belts, and guitar lyrics to all of a sudden being a married woman. Soon to be mom. It all hit me so hard that night as I lay next to Sean. Fear, joy, pain were just some of the emotions being flung around. 19 years old. This is the life I had now. I tried putting the title mom into my head and it just didn't seem right then. Life seems like such a blur for me leading up to Ellie's birth. At the beginning I thought that having three months with just Sean and I would be enough time to figure everything out. It definitely was not. It flew by, between getting Ellie's room ready and birthing classes. I remember everyone starting a bet for when I would give birth to Ellie. Some said it would come around May 30th, some sooner: May 20th. But when those dates came and went my husband would wake up every morning and say "Okay babe. Today's the day. Today's the day our darling little girl will come to the world." Surprisingly I was so big and uncomfortable with everything I did, I was ready to accept that statement at anytime. Walks were part of our schedule everyday. Hard ones. We had many false alarms, Three of them to be exact. In the same weekend. When Monday came the contractions started very strong. We headed to the hospital at about noon really thinking that this was the day, June 1st. But when the doctor told me I was only 1 cm dialated she wasn't so convinced as we were. So back home we went completely disappointed. The contractions were getting worse and worse as it got later. Nightfall came and the contractions were only 7 minutes apart and intesifying with each one. I kept getting up that night walking around the room trying to take my mind off the pain until 7 o clock came and I decided I couldn't take anymore. So by 9 o clock I was back to find that I was 3 cm that morning! Sean and I were estatic!! This was the day we'd meet our little girl! June 2nd, 201o a beautiful and healthy baby girl was born. Little Ellie Rae Welch. I remember holding her for the first time with tears in my eyes just saying as loud as I could "We did it Sean! We did it" Little did we know this little girl would change our lives.

Soon after post-partum depression kicked in. It was a miserable time for everyone. I never have felt so imcompetent before in my life. I was clueless as to what I was supposed to do with Ellie. Panic attacks were a daily part in my life and Sean was not allowed to go anywhere. I couldn't even call myself Ellie's mom for the first couple months of her life. I felt so unworthy to be her mom. How was I supposed to raise this child and take care of her when I couldn't even take care of myself. I really lost myself in this time. I was so unhappy with myself, I was a horrible wife and mother. I've carried this guilt of the things I put my husband through still to this day and I know I ruined a lot of things because of my depression.

Sean and I during this whole time was unemployed. We lived off the amazing amount we had gotten from all the bridal, baby, and wedding gifts for three whole months! (To all those who are reading this, I know I haven't sent out thank you cards, I am an awful person I know and I apologize!! I am now getting to them!) The support we felt during this time was overwhelming! It was so wonderful! So off hubby and I went to find jobs. We searched and applied for a very long time. But we got this amazing news from my wonderful father about this huge hiring fair at the Laramie building. We went and applied for Burlington Coat Factory. Sean got a response right away for a Lead position there but turned it down for another job. They then contacted me. And then started the worse 9 months of my entire life. Retail.

Ellie grew up so much during this time. Sean soon lost his job due to a very incompetent boss and had an agreement that he would be Mr. Mom while he looked for work and finished his EMT/EKG/IV certifications. We can now proudly say he finished all three classes at the top of his class! I could not be more proud of my husband! I increased my hours at the store and it became my life. After finally finding myself after the depression I lost it again working here. I don't know about you but I cannot excell at a job when I got told that I was a constant screw up, and I had all of my work credited to someone else. I was always in some ridiculous meeting about what he said/ she said and things I supposedly did. I was made out to be a liar and a back stabber. Which I truely am niether of these. I will admit I am a straight forward person, I'll tell you how it is when it's needed. But never in the work place. So, in the beginning of June I decided to walk in on a shift I was supposed to work and quit. Usually I would be two weeks in but I had a feeling that if I stayed there for two more weeks I would go insane.


So I began my life as a mom and house wife. A regular stay at home mom. By this time Ellie was around 11 Months old and I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do. The first few weeks were difficult for me because I had never fully taken care of her by myself until now. They were rough to say the least. I didn't really know how to clean efficiently with an infant, and cook. So Ellie and I had a lot of here and there kinds of food. My mom-in-law has really saved me in a lot of instances because of how unprepared I was for this. I grew very tired of not being able to take full responsibility of my child. I am currently being taught how to clean well and cook. Even though I am far from perfect I still have things I need to work on (like the cleaning part... I really do hate cleaning!) I have decided that I am in a time in my life where I am ready to better myself as a mom and as a wife every day. I don't want to disappoint my family because I was too stubborn as a teenager to learn how to do normal day to day chores and to cook. Sean and I are currently still trying to get into a groove where we can be a functioning family. Things have been so absolutely crazy and far from normal we are getting there.


So! Now for the current stuff. (Don't worry this part won't be as long as the other parts) While I am learning to become a woman at home, Sean is currently a Patient Transport at Saint Anthony's Hospital. He is the top transporter in the whole hospital!! He is just doing a wonderful job! He is soon getting an interview with a local Ambulance Company called Pridemark to be an EMT on a rig. And Ellie is growing up so fast! She is turning 15 months this week! She loves to run and dance around our house! She has an expanding vocabulary! Everyday it feels like she has learned a new word! She also LOVES music! She cant help but to move and sway whenever any kind of music comes on! She is truely the most incredible kid ever! Sean and I couldn't have been more blessed!

One of the things I love about Sean is how he excells in everything he does. He is an excellent father, a wonderful husband, and he is the top at anything he does! He's such an inspiration to me to be a better person and to excell in whatever I get to do in life. I love him very much. Although we have been on an extreme rough patch so far in life, he's my soul mate. :)